Each day when I wake up, I praise Satan, lament the fact that I don’t have a puppy to kick, and then prepare a lovely roasted baby for breakfast. I check my agenda for the day: plot murder, cheat on husband, rob bank. Because I have no moral compass, anything goes! Also, I am persistently angry and unfulfilled. Just another day in my life as an ordinary atheist.
In reality, each day when I wake up, I shuffle downstairs, feed the cat, and then pour a lovely mug of coffee. I putter on social media and read books and check the news and listen to podcasts. Because I am a decent human being, many of the things I see affect me deeply, and I fear for our shared humanity. Sometimes I eat a granola bar, which prevents me from becoming hangry and definitely fulfills. Just another day in my life as an ordinary atheist.
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Ordinary Atheists All Around
Even if you think you do not, I guarantee you have friends and family members who identify as atheists. Or, at the very least, those who intellectually do not believe gods exist, even if they cannot make themselves say the A word.
Or maybe you are the non-believing one and you feel like nobody else gets it. But someone probably does—someone else very likely feels the same way you do. They may just be uneasy being the first to admit it.
The point is, someone in your circle is living life as an ordinary atheist. This can be comforting if you also identify as a non-believer, and eye-opening if you previously thought you must be surrounded only by fellow believers.
Just Say the Word
I would like to see our culture collectively get over the words atheism and atheist. One of the reasons I use the phrase nice atheist in my tagline is because I want to normalize it. Yet, I know many readers will land here and see that and judge me based on preconceived notions.
Because atheist carries such negative connotations—and is often blatantly misunderstood—some folks like to go with the more palatable agnostic, but that doesn’t really make sense. Agnostic is not a halfway point between belief and non-belief; it doesn’t mean you are more open-minded or amenable to ideas. It simply signifies uncertainty with whether or not something can be known.
Most atheists could more accurately be described as agnostic atheists—for all intents and purposes living their lives as if gods do not exist, but also open to considering evidence if it were to materialize.
It’s Not You {God}, It’s Me
I am personally more or less indifferent to all deities; I simply don’t believe any gods exist in reality. It’s not about snubbing your god; I equally rebuff all of them. If you follow one particular faith {especially a monotheistic one} you reject most of them, too—so really we’re not that different.
Estimates vary widely, but I have seen claims of 4000+ different religions currently being practiced in the world. The number of individual gods worshipped is more difficult to say, with numbers ranging from a few dozen up to millions. Are we counting spirits? different manifestations of a primary god/goddess? local deities? It gets messy.
Suffice it to say, huge numbers of potential deities have been conjured, and a significant swath of people reading this right now have been convinced only theirs matters.
Remember, atheism covers all gods, not just your preferred one. A huge peeve of mine is when people think the opposite of atheism is Christianity. Of course, current United States culture makes it difficult not to assume this dichotomy. I find myself doing it subconsciously all the time {possibly even in the way I present things in this post}.
On Being a Model Atheist
For my fellow unbelievers: You are not the spokesperson for atheism. You do not need to represent all atheists—or defend them. Focus on going about your business, living life as an ordinary atheist, and know it is not your responsibility to explain yourself or your feelings to anyone.
It is not your job to help people understand your point of view, or to convert anyone to your way of thinking. {This goes for theists as well as atheists.} If people try to argue with you it is okay to say no. You don’t have to be defensive—although to some degree a bit of anger is understood given the way that atheists have traditionally been viewed in many cultures.
For my believing friends: That one atheist you know does not speak for all of us. We have varied opinions, lifestyles, political outlooks, and dreams. If you ever find yourself thinking well, all atheists think that . . . Please, stop. There is no model. There is no standard atheist behavior.
Sometimes people only remember the loud, outspoken {and quite frankly occasionally obnoxious} people that discuss atheism. But that’s not what most of us are like. The majority of people who reject theism are literally just going about their everyday lives, trying to make it through the day, just like you.
Now don’t get me wrong: There are plenty of “famous“ atheists whom I admire in spite of—or perhaps even because of—their bluntness and their willingness to state the truth without placating. But, living my own life as an ordinary atheist is much more mundane than that.
Live and Let Live
Everyone has their own way of looking at the world, and atheists are no different. While we share many commonalities, we have unique viewpoints and ideas and backgrounds. We each have our own story.
And it should go without saying that no one wants to diminish your story. My disbelief does not affect your belief. Just because I don’t believe your worldview to be true doesn’t mean it isn’t working for you.
I’m not out to squash the way anyone chooses to live their life. If your faith makes you happy—encourages you and gives you hope and strength—then by all means, do whatever you’ve got to do.
My only issue arises when people either try to impose their story on me, or insist that my story is invalid. {Keeping in mind that “imposing” could be as benign as potato salad evangelism or as invasive as attempting to enact legislation based on your particular holy book.}
I know that in spite of what we see every day in the news, most religious people are not like that. But, the few outliers do make it rather difficult for the rest of us. Especially when people with extreme views end up in positions of power.
The Same You As Always
When I made the transition from believer to non-believer, almost nothing about my core self changed. Really, the switch was quite boring overall. In most ways, I am not any different than years ago when I identified with a particular faith. My atheism is part of me, but it doesn’t define me.
Honestly, I think the whole question is moot to begin with, like asking if unicorns are real. The idea of gods existing or not existing impacts my day-to-day life just as much as unicorns existing or not existing. Which is to say, not at all.
I think some folks have this notion of leaving your faith as an earth-shattering, made-for-tv moment. Spoiler: It’s not. All of your life’s joys remain. All of your life’s problems do, too. While it will likely motivate you to reflect, and may even prompt you to make some life changes, basically you are still you.
And that is great! Because unless you were a horrible human to begin with, you are fine. Better than fine, because now you can be honest with yourself.
To paraphrase Mr. Rogers: There’s only one you in the whole world. And people will like you for being exactly who you are.
As always, my goal with these posts is to normalize everyday non-religious life and to let fellow non-believers know they’re not alone.
Are you living your life as an ordinary atheist? If you don’t believe, and have little in-person support, I hope you can find some solace in these posts. If you are a believer who has found your way here, I hope you can appreciate just how similar we actually are.
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